I've been telling more people about the heart problem recently. It's been difficult getting used to that collective face of sympathy and tragedy and shock. So I find myself in the role of cheerleader, reassuring everyone that it will all be alright.
Recently, I've been told several times how calm, even cheerful I am about it all and I think, well, what's the alternative? Freaking out for five months?
What mostly bothers me these days seem worries too trivial to share. Are these babies really so sensitive to germs, as the discussion boards would have me believe? Am I going to have to policing every microbe in the vicinity, become a hand cleaning Nazi, stifle my baby in a tight inner sanctum, constantly worrying about exposure to the.outside world? Am I really going.to have to keep track of every ounce of breastmilk or formula, desperately watching weight gain? Because I am so not that mom. I.never wanted to be that mom. I'm the mom who took ny baby everywhere in the first couple of months, who believes strong immune systems are built by a little healthy exposure, who didn't read the baby books, but just winged it. And now I have the world's healthiest, happiest kid.
I want to do that again. It scares me that I might have to become a completely different kind of mother.
And how will that affect Shea? My number one fear on most days is that the health issues of the baby on the way will harm the son I already have.
26 weeks today.
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