The New Normal

In retrospect, I was incredibly naive during my anatomy ultrasound when I was pregnant with Shea. First, I remember having no idea that it would be the last ultrasound I would receive in that pregnancy, the last "peek" at our baby before meeting him in the flesh. Second, I had no idea all of the things that could be found wrong.

Sure, I vaguely recall being a little nervous about it, but as they flashed through every part of the anatomy, I didn't spend much time considering what the alternative to "normal" was.

Then came Harper, who would have been 8 months old today.

Every single ultrasound - and there were dozens - was a vehicle for bad news. I learned all the things they looked for as having the potential to go wrong. And in Harper's case they found many of them.

This was what I was thinking as we went through the anatomy scan today: Ankles (club feet?). Fingers (are there 5 on each hand?) Legs (dwarfism?). Kidneys (1 or 2?). Heart (Heart rate, ASD, VSD, AVSD, TGA?). Penis (does the anatomy match the chromosomes?) Stomach (Present?). Brain (I don't even like to think about all that can go wrong here). Size (SGA, IUGR?) Mouth and nose (cleft palate? Rare genetic disorders?) Umbilical cord (1 artery or 2?) And on and on and on.

Except this time, every answer was "normal". Every measurement was exactly on target. And our boy spent the whole time wiggling, trying to figure out how to suck his thumb, and doing his best to reassure his mommy that everything really was OK.

Every "normal", every "looks great", every lighthearted joke by the technician, made my smile wider, made my heartbeat slow down a little more, made me feel like finally finally there was nothing to worry about. ("I'm sure you'll find something," joked Lou.)

I stopped on the way home to buy yarn to make him a baby blanket. ("The new baby will say, 'Oh, it's so soft, I love it!" proclaimed Shea.)

Eight months ago, there was nothing but tears and horror and the beginning of the trail that led to the loss of Harper. Today, there was nothing but joy.

Hello, little one!