When you meet someone in college, there's no way of knowing that 20 years later you'd face a personal crisis of enormous magnitude together. In the past 8 days, Lou and I have been remarkably in sync over every discussion and thought regarding Harper. Our joke for the first few days was that while we were both losing it on a regular basis, so far we had managed to avoid breaking down at exactly the same time.
We're a little out of sync now, in the sense that he has moved on to more of a place of calm acceptance, and I'm not there yet. But even as I struggle with the day to day, he is there for me, every step of the way. He is the one who is making me laugh through my tears, convincing me we will survive this and will come out stronger.
Our relationship has never been a sea of tranquility. I have a hot, impulsive temper, easily set off by stupid, small hurts, while Lou possesses a slow burn that can erupt into a terrible and cutting rage. We know each other better than anyone knows us, which means we can be very good at knowing exactly how to hurt each other.
But we vowed years ago to take each other on adventures, and we have enjoyed them together, large and small. On the wall of Shea's room it reads "You are the best adventure" and that has certainly been true. And every minute of conflict has been balanced with hours of laughter, friends, family, and love.
This week, I have had the opportunity to fall in love with my husband all over again, amidst horrible circumstances we never could have imagined. I don't know what our lives or Harper's are going to be like going forward but I am so amazingly glad that 20 years ago I met the man with whom I'll be sharing that future.
Love you, Lou.
Carrie - That's simply wonderful. You & Lou are so fortunate to have each other to lean on at this time. Luv - Jack
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