I am running out of things to say to you in your absence. I still like to believe you could hear the sound of my voice when we were together. It makes me secretly glad we never had your hearing tested.
It feels like a lifetime ago that I last held you. Forever ago that your tiny fingers grabbed mine. Eons since I last told you I loved you and sang you "Gone the Rainbow."
I look at pictures of you, of us, and I am having trouble believing you were a real, live baby in my arms only one week ago. That it has been less than a month since you were born.
My sense of time has been completely altered. Every moment moves with agonizing slowness, yet it seems like the three weeks since you were born went by in a heartbeat.
I love you. And I am trying so very, very hard not to forget you while trying to still be a good mom and present for my boo, your big brother, Shea. It is so very, very hard to do.
I wish we were spending our first Mother's Day together. It's another beautiful, sunshine filled day, and I would have loved sharing it with you.
Love, Mommy
PS - Today we planted the beautiful azalea bushes we bought for your memorial service in our yard. We will look at them and be reminded of you always.
You've given us all so much to think about by sharing the depths of your grief.
ReplyDelete-How fragile life truly is.
-How fortunate--and lucky--we are things go "right" in life
-How deep is the bond between a mother and her child.
I don't think you need to be afraid that you will ever forget Harper. I never knew her, and she has had a huge impact on me. If she had been my child--well, I can't imagine what that would be like.
You knew Harper in a way that no one else in the world could know her. Even if your memories of her change over time, she will always be in your heart.